Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Stop resizing my window!

Hey all you javascript programmers out there, and all you html people who copy and paste:

Stop resizing my browser windows!

Why do you want me to have less room to read your nice information? Why do you take a nice page that fits completely in my browser window, and put it inside a window that's too small to show it all, so that I have to use the scrollbars?

A browser is not a paint program! Web pages don't have edges! Stop it!

Monday, December 15, 2008

I love Klaatu

I saw The Day The Earth Stood Still and was quite pleasantly surprised. I loved it. I love Klaatu. Only Keanu could play Klaatu.

I bought the tickets online, and the site then sent me a link to some reviews. The reviews bothered me, so I posted my own review:

This movie was just wonderful. I found myself desperately wishing Klaatu was really on his way. This story couldn't be more relevant, and no one could possibly have played Klaatu other than Keanu.

I'm saddened to see a lot of reviewers here who didn't like the movie because it had too much Environmentalism and not enough Bone-Headed Action-Adventure Stupidity. This movie is thrilling and terrifying, if you just pay attention to the story, and to what the story is a metaphor for.

Maybe you weren't able to really enjoy the movie because you're running low on American Exceptionalism Vitamin. Unacceptable! Print out this handy cheat-sheet and bring it with you to the theater the next time you see a movie that you suspect might not satisfy:

Get on the horn! The president is waiting! Scramble the jets! Put your hands in the air! Put down the gun! Get a life! Bring it on! Over my dead body! Won't get fooled again! Cold dead hands! I'll be back! I'll be back, Bennett! That's no moon! This is Sparta! Say hello to my little friend! Resistance is futile! They'll never take our freedom! Yippie Ki Yea Mother Fucker! Steers and Queers! Do ya, punk? Get away from her, you bitch! I'll tell you about my mother! Get off my plane! I am your father! Hasta la vista! I am the law! There are always two deaths! Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn! Shaken, not stirred! This is my rifle, this is my gun, this is for fighting, this is for fun! You're an errand boy! I make this look good! Fly, you fools! It's sex with someone I love! Life is like a box of chocolates! Elaine! Red Rain! Ma, I love him awful! You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!

Sadly, there was a 750-character limit, which I didn't find out until I tried to post it. (I should have been tipped off by the insistent message "minimum length reached", perhaps.) And they they detected the "profanity", although I think they were referring to the potty-language, so I had to work around that. AND it gets reviewed first, so I'm thinking they might not actually put it up there.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Lego Nancy: Scandal!

So I come in to work today, and I get my coffee, and I look over and see if Nancy is still there, and today she isn't.

She's on a table. She's kind of separated into two pieces, and there is a column of about 6 1x1 pieces taken out. What the fuck?

Now, it might have fallen off the shelf. The other portraits seem to be glued to some kind of stiff backing. Now, I remember, from my childhood, that there were some kids who would glue their legos together. You know, the kind of kids who might glue anything to anything, and they glue their lego to a barbie head, or to other lego.

Now, I'm all for kids gluing things to other things, but gluing lego is heresy -- a misuse of a great thing. Not just a misuse, but a misuse with a certain painful irony. Like Using a macbook for writing a screenplay, or using set-car!.

So I had affixed Nancy to a piece of cardboard, and held it all together with some large binder clips. Since the binder clips were on the bottom, it gave the whole thing a tendency to slip. So it might have slipped off. That's easier for me to believe than the other possibility, which is that someone came along and needed some 1x1 pieces and figured the easiest way would be to take them from the middle of one of the portraits.

I didn't restore the missing pieces -- let the crime show! But I pushed the two halves back together. And, MacGruber-style, I deftly scared up some rubber bands and cleverly wrapped them about the binder clips so they wouldn't slip again.

I went to put the thing back on the high shelf, and it just wouldn't quite fit. There was something in the way. There's some random lego junk up on that shelf, so I kind of pushed, and it turns out that there was some stupid 80-page marketing booklet up there, which, when moved, knocked a big chunk of lego off the shelf. A piece of some older project that had been stuffed up there. So that fell off and shattered all over the place.

Just as that happened, a whole bunch of Google Dudes were arriving, and one of them said, "heh, yer fired", and they all laughed and walked on. (Make no mistake, the nerd world has its own frat-boy stratum.) I ignored them. Another guy came in and, while talking on his cell phone, awkwardly picked up some pieces for me. That was nice.

I cleaned up and checked that Nancy wasn't going to slide again, and that was my breakfast!